Life as a Work at Home Mom

It's now been over five months since I left my job. Five months ago Evan wasn't yet mobile, and now he's crawling like a pro and has taken his first steps. It flies by so fast, and I'm thankful I've been able to stay home with him to watch him grow and develop.

While working full-time outside the home as a new mom just wasn't for me, I wanted to keep working. Graphic design is part of who I am, and while I may be more selective about clients and projects down the road, I don't plan to ever completely stop. I cringed when someone listed my occupation as "homemaker." There's nothing wrong with that job title, but it's just not me. However, I did give myself two months to focus on being a wife and mom, a redo of my maternity leave if you will. I bought a domain for my freelance business and made a Facebook page, but I didn't do much with either. Once I reached my July 1 deadline of when I needed to get serious about my freelance business, I realized I really had no idea how to find clients. I invited all my friends to like my Facebook page, offered my services in a couple places, and that was about it. I submitted a logo design for a contest and browsed around Elance, but nothing really came of it.

Then, three weeks into July, something really crazy happened: someone contacted me through my website about doing design work for them. And a few weeks after that someone else contacted me. A week later, someone from a local organization contacted me about working for them on a retainer. This local client has given me so much work that I haven't even made much of an effort to find new clients, and I'm able to offer my services to others at a lower rate. And just like that, I was a work at home mom. 

Balancing the work, home, and mom parts of my job has been an interesting challenge. I've found that on any given day, it's usually a choice of 2 out of the 3. If I have a lot of freelance work, I might completely forget about dinner or run the washer through an entire cycle without putting any clothes in it (hypothetically, of course). If the house is clean, I probably didn't do any freelance work that day. On the rare occasion I manage to spend a few hours working and get a lot done around the house, I don't spend much quality time with my son, which defeats the entire purpose of why I'm at home. If I find a true balance between the three, I feel like I accomplished nothing at all. I'm still working out the kinks, but overall, I'm very happy. 

Nathan has been wonderfully supportive. When I told him I ruined dinner (it turns out mixing eggs with shredded potatoes will NOT keep them from immediately turning brown), he brought home Fazoli's. One night recently I was lying in bed reading from the book we're reading for the moms' group I go to on Tuesday mornings. This particular chapter of No Perfect Moms was entitled "No Perfect Marriages." When I saw the title, I thought, "Yeah, that's for sure," yet as I was reading, Nathan was doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Our marriage might not be perfect, but my husband is pretty awesome. I never would have been able to handle working at home, let alone working outside the home, without a husband who cooks, cleans, and does whatever else he needs to do to take care of our family and home. I'm thankful he was never set on having a wife who stays home or a wife that works, and supports me no matter what I choose to do.

As for my main client, I think Evan likes that I'm home. He is very happy and healthy and growing well. We're still going strong with breastfeeding with no plans to stop anytime soon. We go to a moms' group, La Leche League meetings, and other places where he can be around other kids (and I can be around other adults). Sometimes I think I'm not providing him with enough stimulation or activities, but whenever I get down on the floor to play with him, he just climbs over me or cruises around me. It's pretty fun being his favorite toy. 

So, when will I be going back to work? I don't know. Some have misunderstood the fact that I actually resigned from my job and am not still on maternity leave. Depending on where the company is if and when I want to go back to work, they could rehire me, but there isn't a job waiting for me. At this point I don't have a set date or age of my child(ren) for when I'll go back to work. I look at this not as "taking a year off" but rather taking the next step in my career. I might want to go back to working full-time at some point, but at this point I'm happy being just a work at home mom.

Write

I'm taking part in Lisa Jo's Five Minute Friday today. Kayla's doing it for the first time today too, and when I saw the prompt on her blog for this week, I thought it would be a good one for me to do. So here we go...

Write.

I don't write much anymore. I'm not sure why. Writing used to be a pretty big deal for me. I started my first journal 19 years ago, when I was 7. I filled notebook after notebook by the time I was 18. For most of elementary school, my dream was to become a published author. In middle school I wrote for the school newspaper. And then at 15 I decided rather than sit around and write books and hope someone would publish them one day, I would become a graphic designer.

Writing kind of sat on the back burner during college. It's hard to keep writing for yourself when you're writing so much for others. 

I started my first blog 8 years ago, on MSN spaces, then moved to LiveJournal, to Xanga, and to Blogger. Now I don't blog. And I don't write for me. And I don't know why. I think part of it is what blogging has become. At first I loved blogging because I was such an advocate of keeping journals and now other people were doing it too! But now blogs aren't journals. Words like SEO and monetizing came in and made blogs into business. If blogging is just about making money, I'll stick with making money with graphic design.

So now what? {An update on our Financial Peace Trek}

It's been awhile since I wrote about our financial goals. Since we just significantly lowered our income, and since Nathan and I are going to be two of the co-leaders for a session of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University starting next month, I decided it was time to take a look at how we're doing with our trek to financial peace. We've made lots of progress, but we still have a long way to go.

To review Dave Ramsey's baby steps and the progress we've made so far, step one is to put $1,000 in the bank. That one was pretty easy for us with two incomes; we've never had less than $1,000 during our marriage. Step two is to pay off all debt except your mortgage, but we deviated from Dave's plan a bit. We have no mortgage and had quite a bit of debt in the form of graduate school loans, so we decided to pay off all debt except the grad school loans. We called this Baby Step 2, Phase 1, and we completed it early in 2011. Then we moved on to step 3, which is building an emergency fund of 3-6 months' expenses. This baby step kind of bugs me. Three months and six months is a big difference. How do you know when you've completed it? We just decided on a nice round number, and after saving that amount about two years ago, we began paying off the grad school loans.

Originally we thought about setting aside money for a down payment on a house at the same time we were paying off the loans, but we decided it made more sense to pour all our extra funds into getting rid of the debt as quickly as possible to avoid paying more in interest. We've questioned this decision from time to time as we watched the real estate market, but ultimately, we can't predict the future, and we're okay with renting.

Our goal for 2012 was to pay off half the grad school loans. I never did write a post on how I did with my 12 to Tackle in 2012, but I can say that we successfully met our financial goal. I called this our "Big Hairy Audacious Goal" because I really didn't think we could pull it off. Well, we did! The initial goal for 2013 was to be completely debt free with a 3-6 months' emergency fund. However, we could only do that by putting 100% of my income (and then some) towards paying off debt. Without my income, this isn't just an audacious goal, it's a nearly impossible one.

So now what?

Well, we are still putting as much as possible towards becoming debt free. I say "as much as possible," but within reason; we want to be able to enjoy life. As of now, seven months into 2013, we have paid off around 75% of the grad school loans. Our only remaining debt is two subsidized federal government loans. Can we be debt free by the end of the year? Probably. The question is, do we want to be? By the end of the year, the amount of debt we have will most likely be less than the amount in our emergency fund, so if we wanted to, we could use the money from our emergency fund to pay off our debt (assuming we have no serious emergencies). The financial adviser we met with doesn't think we should do it. He told us, "Dave Ramsey says once you have your emergency fund, you don't touch it." True, but Dave also says to pay off all debt before worrying about building your larger emergency fund. So, we're not sure what we'll do when we reach that "break even" point, but for now we're just continuing to work towards reaching that point by the end of the year.


How's your trek to financial peace? Which do you think is more important: having lots of savings, or being completely debt free?

Life as a Working Mom & The True Cost of Working

Evan usually wakes up to eat around 3:00 am. At 5:30 it's time to feed him again and get ready before feeding him again at 7:15 to ensure he's as full as possible when I drop him off at daycare. I haul my bags and my baby out to the car, drop Evan off at daycare, and then try to be productive at work for a couple hours. By the time I get into the groove, it's already time to go upstairs to a dirty, dusty, cold room to hook myself up to a machine to make my son's first bottle for the next day. A couple more hours of work, then I go feed Evan at daycare, grabbing some sort of fast food on my way back to work. I try to eat while working, and after a couple more hours of work it's time for another pumping break. I work a few more hours, then it's time to go pick up my son.

At home I barely have time to feed my dogs before I have to feed my baby again. By this point Nathan's usually home, and we try to see what we can scrounge up for dinner. I'm usually too worn out to cook anything. One of us usually ends up holding Evan most of the evening. My once easy-going, fairly independent baby is now clingy in the evenings. After spending most of his day lying on his back in a crib or on a play mat, competing with seven other babies for attention, who can blame him? I try to spend some time with my husband in between nursing sessions, but it's hardly quality time. I sterilize all my pump parts and bottles and get everything else ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

On Evan's second day of daycare, I got a call from one of the directors because he'd had all three of his bottles by noon. Not sure if he was going through a growth spurt or just being over fed, I stayed home with him on Wednesday. It was definitely a growth spurt, but hoping it would level off, I went back to work Thursday. I left him with 3 bottles and told them I would be back at noon to nurse him. By the time I arrived at noon, he had already taken all three bottles and was hungry for more. Unable to feed him, the daycare workers had left him crying on the floor. It was undeniable at this point that the best place for a baby, especially one fed exclusively breast milk, is with his mother.

I tried to keep working. If I could just make it eight more months, we would be 100% debt free and have an emergency fund of at least 5 months' expenses. Evan would never remember being in daycare. I thought there had to be a way to make it work. Maybe I could do freezer cooking on the weekends and clean after Evan's gone to bed. Maybe if I gave up breastfeeding and gave him formula

After four weeks back at work, I gave my two weeks' notice. It was by no means easy to do. I'm not a quitter. I'd been working there almost four years. I got comments on Facebook telling me it would get easier, to just hang in there. I just couldn't. I admire women who can make it work, but it wasn't for me.  I wasn't giving my best to anyone: not my job, not my son, not my husband, not myself.

I had to stop crunching the numbers and look at the big picture. Quitting my job was not a good move from a purely financial standpoint. Even after daycare and increased costs related to me working, I was still bringing home a decent amount of money. The thing is, there's quite a bit more to life than money. I could relate to a lot of what Amy from The Finer Things in Life wrote in a blog post about what working outside the home was costing in terms of her time, her marriage, and her health. It just wasn't worth it to me.

A lot of it came down to this: At the end of my life, what will I regret? Will I be more likely to regret having less money during this time in our lives and being in debt a little longer, or missing out on the first year of my son's life?

I don't think I'll regret this decision.

I'm a Mom?

A year after finding out I would soon be a mother, and nearly four months after meeting my baby, it still seems unbelievable that I actually am a mother. I was reading a book to Evan today about a Mama Bear and her Little Cub and in my mind, Mama Bear is still much older and wiser than I am. Even though he looks like my family and I see his dad's personality in him, it's still hard to believe that this amazing little boy who gets bigger and smarter each day is my son. I find myself constantly thinking, and sometimes saying out loud to Nathan, "We have a baby!" or "I made that!" 

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms. Does it ever sink in?