November 26, 2010

5 Things I've Learned the First Five Months

We've now made it through the first five months of marriage. I hope time has flown by for our wedding guests as quickly as it has for us since we didn't get thank you notes out until about a month ago. Being married has been a lot of fun, and we've had many more ups than downs. Here are 5 things our marriage has taught me thus far.

1. Our communication skills still have room for improvement. I went into this marriage thinking that we had great communication skills, and we do, but we're still constantly working to better understand each other and communicate with each other. Pretty much the only arguments we have are over what one of us actually said. It's an ongoing process.

2. It isn't easy to think of everything as being "ours" now instead of mine/his. Everything in out apartment should be ours now, with the exception of things like toothbrushes and shoes, but I don't think of it in those terms. This might be partly due to the fact that this was his apartment before I moved in. My books are separated from his books, my board games are separated from his games, my Tupperware is on shelves that I brought rather than in a cabinet. I referred to the fondue pot as "my" fondue pot recently, and Nathan had to point out that it is ours. That one isn't even debatable since it was a wedding gift.

3. Having a husband who makes more money than I do is a wonderful thing. We've flip-flopped in wages several times during our relationship, but Nathan took the lead again in August. I will most likely never make more than he does again, and I'm glad. It really is best for both of us. Nathan has always wanted to provide for me, regardless of whether or not I can provide for myself. Being the primary breadwinner makes him happy, and that makes me happy. I'd rather he be the one that's driven in his career. I was drawn to graphic design as a career partly because it's possible to work from home, not because I wanted to make money.

4. Marriage means letting go of the "that's how I've always done it" mentality. We're from two different families who do things different ways, but now we have to figure out how we do things in our family. In my family, we would usually leave the pots of food on the stove or on the counter and fill our plates before sitting down. Nathan's family puts all the food on the table. We can't do both, so I'm trying to get used to the latter. Also, Nathan doesn't like that I get out of the shower without drying off first and end up getting the bath mat wet; I thought that was the purpose of bath mats. It's a compromise.

5. Being married can change your love language. Or, maybe I have a better sense of my love language now that I'm married. Before we were married, my primary love language was quality time, followed by words of affirmation and acts of service. Acts of service have become more valuable to me and really makes me feel loved. After retaking the quiz I discovered acts of service has actually become my primary love language, followed closely by a tie of quality time and physical touch. I guess I've been able to experience acts of service and physical touch a lot more now that we live together. We were still long distance the first time I took the quiz.

An example of Nathan's acts of service. He hates folding laundry; I had to take a picture to believe this actually happened.

What has your marriage or relationship taught you?


  1. Almost everything you wrote from 5 months of marriage applies quite well to us at 2.5 years. I've always wanted to read up on our love language since marriage. Before marriage, mine was physical touch and words of affirmation. Now mine are Acts of Service and Quality Time. My husbands are Quality Time, and Words of affirmation. Thanks for this exploration, and I plan to discuss it further on your blog. I hope you will follow me!

  2. First, your wedding pic post was beautiful! Loved the colors too!.

    Ok, this post. I had no idea of what you were talking about - love Language - so I had to click on it. Seems that after a couple decades, we do have a love language, lol. Here's how we've always done it... we married young-ish (24 and 25). Had kids at 25 and 26 and every two years til we reached 3 kids. We always were best friends and still are. Communication, laughter and sharing. The first time I turned his underwear pink he learned to help with the wash. Stuff like that is great. He picks up my slack and mine-his. I've learned to pick my battles with him and the kids and life is pretty good. My advice - don't read too many books just go with the flow. Laugh a lot. Travel and spend time before having a family.

    What I've learned? Never go to bed mad. Find humor in everything. Share what you're thinking - they are too dumb to figure it out for themselves.


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