Our 2011

It's been a good year. We haven't really had any major events in our lives, but we've gone on several trips and had a lot of fun together.

January

Nathan gave me a special birthday.
We had our first fondue date night.

We decided to stay in our apartment for another year.

February

Nathan wrote a blog post.

We figured out our first joint tax return.

I got sick of winter.

March

We saw Michael W. Smith (one of Nathan's favorite artists) and Amy Grant (one of my favorite artists) in concert. We teared up as soon as they walked on stage.

We went to the Cheesecake Factory for Nathan's birthday.

We paid off the last of our debt, except graduate school loans. 

    April

I bought a bike.

We went to Florida so I could see where Nathan went to college.

May

We went to the Indianapolis air show.
 

We went camping with my Uncle John and Aunt Kathy and our dogs.

Nathan flew a helicopter.

 June

There was a huge flood in our apartment complex.
We celebrated one year of marriage.

On the same day, Nathan graduated with his MBA.

July

We went to Chicago for the July 4th weekend.

Nathan's car window got smashed.

We went to Arkansas for our friends Kayla and Austin's wedding.

Nathan lost his job.

August

We went to GenCon.

We started tackling reorganizing and decluttering.

I met Crystal from Money Saving Mom and experienced a huge spike in page views.

September

Our friend Eddy got married.

Nathan started working a second shift job.

We got our first smartphones.

October

Nathan switched jobs again, this time back to first shift.

I finally finished our wedding album.
We started Couch to 5K.

We visited two pumpkin patches.

November

We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family, and Nathan's family the day after.

My car window got smashed.

December

We signed the lease on a rental house and started packing for our move.

We visited Nathan's brother and his family in California.

We celebrated Christmas with my family, and Nathan's the day after.

The theme for the first part of 2012 will be boxes, boxes, and more boxes since we're spending our New Year's weekend moving everything (hopefully) into our new rental house. After that? Who knows.

Happy New Year!

10 Things to Do Before Kids

"So when are you having kids?"

I was really amazed when people started asking that only a few months into my marriage. With women 10 years older than I am becoming first time moms and with my parents having me (their first) more than 7 years into their marriage, I was just not expecting to be asked that question so soon. What's the big hurry? While we would certainly consider a child a blessing at any time in our marriage, I see no reason why we need to have a baby right now. I'm happy just enjoying our marriage for a while.

A recent post on Weddingbee from the "After I do" series featured several married ladies' answers to the question, "What is something you wish you did before you had your baby, or something you plan to do before you have a baby? What is something you did before baby that you’re so thankful you did?"

I thought it was a good question to consider. Is there anything I could do now that I won't be able to do once kids come along? Is there anything I need to do before I become pregnant to improve my pregnancy experience or my child's life? Honestly, I can't think of anything I need to do, but there are a few things I probably should do or would like to do. This is a list of ideas, not necessarily goals or suggestions.

Figure out being a family of two
After a year of marriage, we're still working on how to function as a family unit and how to communicate with each other. I don't expect us to ever completely master that, but I'd like to feel at least a little less clueless before we add anyone else to the mix.

Go on a relaxing vacation
I'm not talking anything exotic here (we honeymooned in Cincinnati, after all). We just have a tendency to want to do this, this, this, and this when we go on trips. I want to go somewhere and not have an agenda for once. I'm thinking a nice cabin with a jacuzzi tub.

Start buying organic food and stop buying as much processed food
I can't see us ever buying organic food exclusively, but I'd like to at least buy the dirty dozen organically (an idea I got from the baby bucket list of Erika from Newlyweds on a Budget ). I want to start making my own granola bars, and maybe even crackers.

Get a second dog
This one probably sounds crazy if you aren't a dog person (which I used to not be). But Nathan really wants a second dog, and lately I've been thinking having a dog that will actually run with me would be awesome. Nathan met with a trainer last week about Nenya's anxiety and confidence issues, and she actually suggested getting a second dog once Nenya has become a little more socialized. If we're going to have two dogs when we have kids, it's best that we have both of them trained well before we have kids.

Get in the habit of regular exercise
I want to be able to exercise while pregnant, which means I'd better start exercising before becoming pregnant. This needs to happen sooner than later.

Move somewhere with a washer/dryer and fenced-in yard

This one is not optional. I am not going to haul a bunch of clothes and a baby out to the car to do laundry, especially since we'll have a lot of extra laundry. I also don't want to have to go outside with the baby and the dogs, especially if we get a second dog!

Read and Research
I want to read up on the facts on things like pregnancy and childbirth. What foods should I avoid? Home birth or hospital birth? I like to plan ahead. So far on my reading list are What to Expect Before You're Expecting and Get Ready to Get Pregnant.

Have a better community
We don't have much of a community here right now. Both sets of parents are an hour away, which is nice, but we can't really use them as a last minute baby sitter. We don't have many friends here either. Becoming first time parents when we're this isolated is a little scary.

Do some freelance design work
Although I will most likely continue to work full-time after our first child is born, I'd like to at least explore the possibility of working from home. I could use the extra work to build up my portfolio no matter what direction my career takes.

Continue putting all my income towards student loans and savings
Unless it takes us a long time to get pregnant, it's unlikely that we'll have all the grad school loans paid off before we have a baby, but I want to pay as much as possible.

How about you? Is there anything you'd like to do before you have kids, or that you wish you had done before kids?


Visit Oh Amanda for more Top Ten Tuesday Posts.

Changing Shifts & Shifting Gears

The good news is that Nathan started a new job this week. The bad news? He works 3pm-11:30pm. He doesn't get home until I'm in bed and doesn't wake up until after I leave in the morning. Both our jobs are a half hour from home and 20 minutes from each other, so dropping by for lunch isn't going to happen either. In other words, we aren't going to be seeing much of each other.

This is going to be quite the transition. These last couple weeks before he started the job, I tried to make the most of our evenings, spending as much time with him as possible. I wasn't worried about things like dusting, reading, or blogging. Now, I'm going to be on my own each evening with plenty of time to get work done. But so far, I'm not doing much of anything. I've just been sitting around while the dishes pile up and the floors get dirtier and dirtier. I've gotten used to this relax mode I was in.

I need to figure out how to switch gears and restructure my time. My weekly chore schedule is going to need to change to make my Saturdays open. I'm thinking one day of intense cleaning, one day for intense cooking and baking, one day for shopping, and two days of light cleaning and whatever projects I want. We also need to figure out how to pack a week's worth of quality time into the weekends. We've been having date nights almost every Saturday since we've been married, but we'll need to make it a date day!

I'm thankful for this new job. I'm thankful we only had eight weeks with just my paycheck and didn't need to touch our emergency fund. I'm just not thrilled about this life change, and neither is Nathan.


Anyone have tips on how to survive working opposite shifts?


Check out more Try New Adventures Thursday at Alicia's Homemaking.

Picky Eaters & Other Quirks

I know I've mentioned before that Nathan is a picky eater. He says he can't change his taste buds, and I get that, but it sure makes my life complicated. I feel like I'm making food for a toddler!

Pizza with only toppings Nathan hates, a.k.a. deliciousness

These are just a few of the ways he's a picky eater:

• He doesn't like "chunky" tomatoes. Even diced tomatoes have to go in the food processor.
• He has no tolerance for spicy food. He even hates ginger. (Pepperoni is pushing it.)
• He likes raisins by themselves but not baked in things
• He won't eat lettuce, peas, broccoli, peppers, or just about any other vegetable.
• Apples, apricots, and potatoes must be peeled for him to eat them.
• He hates pineapple. He insists even a little pineapple juice ruins punch.

But really, it's unfair for me to say he's the picky eater. Even though I will eat almost anything, I do have my quirks when it comes to food. One day when Nathan was kind enough to make me a sandwich for lunch, I complained that he hadn't sliced it diagonally. "Now who's the toddler?" he asked me. Oh. Oops.


These are some ways I'm a picky eater:

• I don't like milk on my cereal. Any cereal. Ever.
• I hate fresh bananas or anything banana-flavored (just like the Pioneer Woman). However, I love dried bananas and banana nut bread.
• I don't like donuts.
• I like my sandwiches cut diagonally.
• I can't stand it when different foods touch each other.
• I hate asparagus.

It's easy to make fun of someone's quirks when they're not your own. We might not even think some of our preferences or behaviors are odd because it's just the way our families have always done things. For example, since I grew up eating both canned and frozen varieties of most vegetables, I thought Nathan was picky for insisting that frozen corn and canned green beans are good, but canned corn and frozen green beans were disgusting. Then I mentioned this fact at his parents' house, and his parents agreed that these preferences were just common sense. We all have our own definition of normal.

Marriage is a great way to learn about your quirks. I never realized until Nathan pointed it out that I drive with my left foot on the seat and my left knee over against the window. Apparently walking around while brushing your teeth isn't normal either. The good news is that Nathan hasn't discovered anything weird enough to scare him off (yet).

Has your spouse pointed out quirks you didn't know you had?

Our Labor Day Weekend

We spent a lot of our three-day weekend working on more decluttering. We filled Nathan's trunk (a huge one!) with boxes and bags of excess to take to Goodwill. We also sold a box of books at Half Price Books for $11.50 (and managed to leave the store with $3). 

We continued weeding out the clutter after the Goodwill trip. I spent time going through my dresser, asking questions like how many pairs of Christmas socks is excessive? Nathan went through his closet and found several shirts, pants, and ties he didn't need. We came up with enough extra clothes between the two of us to fill at least another trash bag!

Marsh was tripling coupons again this weekend, so we had to make a trip there. We got all of this for $10.65, and they weren't even tripling $1 coupons this time. That definitely topped my Memorial Day triple coupon shopping. It was fun having Nathan with me to help me decide what to buy and to watch my couponing skills in action. He said I "kicked some serious tail."

(An old photo. It wasn't that cold Monday.)

While we spent a lot of Monday relaxing, we were very active for some of the day. We started out the day by taking Nenya on a two and a half mile walk, and later Nathan and I biked another 11 miles. Not bad for two people who have hardly exercised at all the past year!

It wasn't anything too exciting, but we have so many weekends with planned events or traveling out of town that it's nice to just stay at home sometimes!

The Home of My Our Dreams

Source: thriftysolutionsforanurbangal.blogspot.com via Amanda on Pinterest

I used to love watching the design shows on HGTV. I would look at all the beautiful remodels and think about how beautiful my own home would be. I've also collected a lot of images of home decor from design blogs and Pinterest.

It's fun to dream about the perfect bathroom...

Source: homestoriesatoz.com via Amanda on Pinterest

Or the ultimate kitchen...

Source: theinspiredroom.net via Amanda on Pinterest

But the thing I didn't realize before I was married? It isn't just up to me what my home looks like. It turns out some men actually have opinions about the way their homes are decorated! 

 

A man might hang up a fuzzy stocking poster in the bedroom because he made it in his college graphic design class and he's proud of it. And if his wife asks why it has to be on display in the bedroom, he may respond, "Where else should we put it?"

Or, a husband may wonder why his wife thinks a "random jar" qualifies as a decorative item - a beautiful, antique Ball jar that many women would love to have for all sorts of decorative purposes!

No, this isn't just my home. This is our home. A home where two opinions of what is and isn't beautiful clash and sometimes compromise. A home where a dog thinks tennis balls and stuffed hedgehogs belong in the kitchen. And one day, we'll have kids adding their own personalities and styles.

The year I had an apartment all to myself, I could decorate however I wanted. I could hang up my French posters and display my Ball jar without being questioned. But I'd rather come home to a husband and a dog than a lonely apartment decorated my way. While I may not love all of my husband's things, I love him enough that I can at least tolerate them. 


Home is really all about the people. It's about what you do in the home. Forget the little things you don't like about where you live and just focus on living!


 

His hands are full too!

When Nathan and I first started dating, several of his friends told me things like "You have your hands full!" or "You don't know what you're getting yourself into!" It was all in fun (I think). What they didn't realize was that dealing with me isn't exactly that easy either. My own quirks and personality flaws have provided him with plenty of challenges.

Here's a recent example of one such challenge. Nathan was at the first day of GenCon, having tons of fun playing games without his wife. He was just about to begin Munchkinsanity, a game which he had very much been looking forward to playing.

Then he got a phone call. 

His wife had walked out the door to take the dog out and locked the door, only to discover that she had forgotten her keys. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave his game, but he knew his wife needed to be the priority and she didn't want to stay outside with the dog for three hours. So he left to return home.

After he had been home for a while, his wife went to get her keys out of her purse but couldn't find them. She checked the other obvious locations in the apartment. Still no luck. Finally, she went outside with the flash light and found her keys next to a bush right outside the door.

She had remembered her keys after all! They had just fallen out of her pocket when she tried to jump away from the attack of the lawn sprinkler! And, being the scatter-brain that his wife is, she had completely forgotten that she had remembered her keys.

No...I really don't think he knew what he was getting himself into either.

For Richer. For Poorer.

This past weekend, my longtime dream of riding a zip line finally came true! It wasn't a huge one, but it was a good starter zip line. Once we finished our adventure, Nathan broke the news to me that he no longer had a job. He wanted me to have my fun that day, but he couldn't put off telling me any longer.

For richer or poorer.

Those words are spoken in traditional wedding vows for a reason; both are very real possibilities in a marriage. When I made that vow at my own wedding, I started crying as I thought of everything we'd already been through and knew we could make it through anything. Sure enough, when Nathan lost his job after just a few weeks of marriage, we survived the poorer for a time. But then he got this new job, with great pay, and I thought everything would be better. Poorer? That was all behind us! And now, here we are, back to just my income. Although I hope this will once again be such a short period of unemployment that we'll hardly notice it, we have no way of knowing.

Marriage is kind of like a zip lining. Even though I'd looked forward to it for a very long time, I didn't know what it would be like when I jumped off that platform. Sometimes it seems like an easy ride, but sometimes you start spinning out of control. You just have to have faith that the cord holding you up is strong enough that you won't fall into the pond.  It's a crazy ride, but I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

I know we'll be okay. Living on my income is certainly possible, just not a lot of fun. I'm so thankful that we fully funded our emergency fund and paid off all consumer debt during our first year of marriage. If you have not yet done both of those things, I would truly encourage you to do so as soon as you possibly can. Although you may think everything is great now that you're richer, you never know when Poorer could come to visit.

The End is Near

 

In less than three weeks, on June 26, Nathan and I will celebrate our first year of marriage. As exciting as that milestone is, I'm mainly looking forward to June 26 for an entirely different reason: the conferral of Nathan's MBA. We knew Nathan's grad classes would make the first year a little rough, but things have gotten really rough now that he is in his capstone course, which is writing a 60-80 page business plan. It's a group project with 5 other people, and Nathan is in charge of the finance portion as well as editing the entire paper.

I haven't exactly felt like Nathan's top priority lately. One of his team members was telling him how great he is and that his wife is lucky to have him. I know I'm lucky, but it's kind of ironic hearing that from someone who has spent as much time talking to him this past week as I have. The frustrating part is that I know this project has to take top priority for him to do well in the class. If I want him to do well, do I really even want him to spend much time with me? I'm trying to keep busy doing things by myself, like taking advantage of this great opportunity to get lots of reading done.

Although I do my best to be the supportive wife, sometimes I get tired of being the cheerleader all the time. Nathan's stress is enough to push me to the breaking point, so much that I once sarcastically told him, "Yes, dear, you are going to fail!" No, he's not; I just fail at being a wife sometimes. If nothing else, this has been a good learning experience.


Soon...soon it will be over...just not soon enough!

Nathan's Wedding Gift

A year ago, when we were planning our wedding, Nathan got the idea that instead of having a limo pick us up from the wedding reception, we should have a helicopter. He wanted this to be a surprise for me, but once he decided it would probably be a little too expensive, he told me about his idea. 

Not long after he told me this, there just so happened to be a Groupon for an introductory helicopter flight lesson. Up until that point, I wasn't sure whether or not to buy Nathan a wedding gift. Sure the sales ladies at Jared insisted that I had to buy him a watch since "It's tradition!" but Nathan was happy with the Walmart digital watch he had. 

Flying a helicopter on the other hand? That's something he could enjoy. So, although we left the wedding reception in our own car, later that night I told Nathan that he would get to fly a helicopter. I really thought he would have his lesson last summer, but somehow we just never got around to it. Finally, two weeks before the Groupon expired, Nathan flew a helicopter!

First, the flight instructor showed him and another student all the controls. The two other students there that morning were also using Groupons, so Nathan wasn't the only one to wait until the last minute.

Then he went inside the tent classroom for his ground training.

...while I sat and watched the birds. The metropolitan airport is probably one of the quietest places in the city when there are no helicopters or planes taking off - just the sounds of red-winged blackbirds, mockingbirds, and killdeer.

And then it was Nathan's turn to fly!

A few more instructions

A little bit of hovering

And he was off!

I wish I could have seen the view he had of the city up there. He even flew over our apartment and saw my car on the ground.

Still smiling after his flight 

 Yep, I'd say it was a lot more fun than a fancy watch!

Linked at Try New Adventures Thursday at Alicia's Homemaking.

The Chore Schedule of a Working Wife

Okay, I promise cleaning the stove is not one of Nenya's regular chores. However, this photo is a pretty good illustration of what kind of a homemaker I am. I don't always clean the stove after I cook. In fact, sometimes the stove gets so bad that I jokingly tell Nathan we should just put Nenya on the counter and have her lick it off. And one time he actually did (but not for long, and he was right next to the counter the whole time).

Occasionally I'll come across another woman's chore schedule, and invariably it involves much more cleaning than mine. Cleaning the bathroom sink every day? I could never do that. And vacuuming every day too? I don't even vacuum; Nathan does. Everyone's situation is different, and there's no need to compare. But if you would like to see an example of a chore schedule of a newly married wife who is gone at least 10 hours out of every weekday, here is my list. I've changed things around since I first developed it.

Sunday
 • Laundry

Monday
 • Clean inside of microwave
 • Clear off desk
 • Water plants

Tuesday
 • Clean bathroom sink
 • Hand wash delicates
 • Clean bathroom mirror

Wednesday
 • Clean bathtub
 • Dust bedrooms

Thursday
 • Clean toilet
 • Sweep and mop (entry way, bathroom, kitchen)

Friday
 • Plan menu
 • Dust living area

Saturday
 • Grocery shopping
 • Food prep
 • Brush Nenya

Nathan's (Usually) Weekly Chores
• Vacuum
• Take out trash
• Clear off desk

This is what works for us right now. I don't always keep with it perfectly, but I usually manage to get almost everything done on a weekly basis at least. My most often neglected chore is sweeping and mopping the floors, even though I have just 3 tiny sections of floor that need swept. There aren't any chores that get done on a daily basis. As I've written about before, although I take care of most of the chores right now since Nathan is busy finishing up his MBA as well as working on computer certifications, I'm blessed with a husband who does not consider any chore "woman's work" and who would be willing to take on more chores if he ever becomes the one with more free time. Sometimes he helps me haul the laundry and get it started, which rocks my socks off.

Do you use a chore schedule? What is your least favorite chore?

From Long Distance to Living Together

Nathan and I had a fairly long distance relationship right up until the day we got married. Although we saw each other much more frequently during our engagement, when we lived only 40 minutes apart, we had no idea what it would be like to see each other every day. While I felt confident that we would make it work, I wasn't really sure what it would be like to jump from living far apart to living in the same apartment.

When we were dating, we were always happy to see each other and sad when we had to leave. I really thought that would change once we were married - that there would come a time when we would get sick of each other. Maybe that will happen eventually, but it hasn't so far. We hug just about every time one of us has to leave, even if we'll be apart for less than an hour. And we have so much fun with each other just living our daily lives.

One real benefit of growing so accustomed to a long distance relationship is that being away from each other isn't that difficult. We've spent at least 3 weekends apart so far in our first year of marriage. Sure, we miss each other, but a couple days apart is no big deal when seeing each other every day is still a novel thing. The only issue in these situations is who gets Nenya for the weekend.

I wouldn't say that being in a semi-long distance relationship before our marriage made the transition to living together any more difficult. If anything, it's made newlywed life a lot more enjoyable.

Did you have a long distance relationship before you were married?

What I Gave Up for My Marriage

Marriage is all about sacrifices. Give and take. But what have I actually "given up" now that I'm a married woman?

My career Goals? No. Nathan is supportive of me getting a Masters' degree (should I choose to pursue one). 
Spending time with friends? No. I spent a Saturday with some college friends recently.
Hobbies? No. I'm reading for fun more than I have since elementary school.

What have I given up for my husband? One of these:

A top sheet.

Nathan hates sleeping with a top sheet. He claims they serve no purpose and always end up wadded up at the foot of the bed. I originally thought he would just have to get used to sleeping with one. When we were first married, it was warm enough that we didn't need any blankets. Nathan could tolerate sleeping with a top sheet by itself. But when it came time to pile on the blankets, the sheet had to go.

Yes, marriage is all about compromise and sacrifice...some sacrifices are just a little odder than others.

 

I've made it to 100 posts of Wedding/Newlywed Trek. Thanks for reading!

Marriage Doesn't Give You Every Right

Even though Nathan and I are supposed to be one unit, it turns out there are some things we can't do for each other. When Nathan received a check from his grandma for his birthday, he gave it to me to take care of. I had him sign the back of it and then took it to the bank to cash it. After handing the check to the teller, she asked,

"Who's Nathan?"
"That's my husband."
"Okay, well he would need to come in to be able to cash it."
"Really? Even though we're on the same account?"
"Uh-huh."
"Uh...can I just deposit then?"
"Sure!"

I realize policies are policies, but I was still caught off guard. All I have to do to take money out of our account is fill out a withdrawal slip; I've never even been asked for an ID. But cashing a check made out to my husband? Apparently that's stealing.

Have you run into any surprises about what you can't do for your spouse?

Married Filing Jointy

It was interesting to see what happens when five W2's, tuition payments, an HSA, interest from multiple bank accounts, and two 401(k) contributions come together, especially when the two people combining them were living in different states at the beginning of 2010.

We each had a different approach to filling out the paperwork, much like our different approaches to grocery shopping. While I like zooming through the store with my ordered list and getting out of there as soon as possible, Nathan prefers to go down every aisle to make sure he doesn't forget anything and is likely to get distracted by cookware or the goldfish. So when I started zooming through the tax form, Nathan wanted me to slow down so he could carefully examine every line. It was just too much for my type A personality, but rather than doing it myself, I let Nathan take over, which worked out well. My speedy method might be great for preventing impulse buys, but the extra time Nathan spent on our tax retun helped him discover a much larger refund than I would have found myself.

I love how we complement each other like that.

Being a Good Wife

Three words I love to hear while cooking dinner are "Something smells good!" Last night, what I heard was "Something smells funky!" Needless to say, it wasn't the best meal I'd ever cooked. And after spending the weekend out of town and having a date night on Monday, I was also way behind on my cleaning.

I wasn't feeling like a very good wife.

I looked at all of the empty boxes on my check list, trying to decide where to begin, before finally sitting down next to Nathan on the love seat to read a magazine while he studied. Although sometimes I feel like a failure if I relax, I realized relaxing with my husband would be just the opposite.

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." - Genesis 2:18

A help meet...an assistant...someone to help with all the work that needed to be done in that garden...that's how I've always thought about this passage. But I think it's important to remember the first part of this verse: It is not good that the man should be alone. I don't know about Adam, but I know that Nathan cares a lot more about the time I spend talking to him and just being with him than the time I spend doing chores. He just wants a companion, someone to keep him from being alone.

Early in our relationship, Nathan and I read The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barbara Rosberg. According to their research, companionship is a man's third biggest need from his wife, right behind unconditional love and sexual intimacy. Nathan ranked it fifth among the list of twenty options, and he put domestic help as #19!

Maybe the "perfect wife" is an expert chef who has a spotless home, but I need to quit trying to be her and just be Nathan's wife.

Identity Crisis

Going through the name change process can feel like a bit of an identity crisis. After years of living with one name, suddenly you become Mrs. Soandso, and then the next day, you go to check in at your hotel for your honeymoon and have to give them your maiden name. When you use your debit card and sign your name, you're still signing your maiden name since that's the name on your card. For a few weeks, I had my name half changed and felt like half one person and half another.

I thought I had it all taken care of within the first month of being married, but there were a couple places I overlooked. One example of this popped up a week ago. After weighing the pros and cons, Nathan and I decided to renew our lease for another year. We went to the apartment office all ready to sign the paperwork only to find out that they had prepared our new lease with my maiden name on it. And of course, they had to see a copy of my driver's license to be able to change it. Does it ever end?

My name change went something like this:

• Drive to the City County building downtown to request copies of my marriage certificate
• Wait in line to pay for my copies along with a bunch of men there to pay child support
• Walk several blocks to the social security office to apply for a new social security card and wonder why there's a security guard there until he has to throw someone out
• Wait in line with my paperwork from the social security at BMV to get a new driver's license
• While at the BMV, confirm that I am not currently in prison in order to change my voter registration
• When my new driver's license and social security card come in the mail, take those to my HR department at work and then fill out new paperwork for taxes, life insurance, health insurance, and all that fun stuff
• Go to my bank to get my name changed on my checking account, debit card, and credit card

I did not change my name on my passport since I didn't want to pay the fee when I currently have no plans to leave the country. I didn't change my name on the title for my car either since the BMV told me I didn't need to. I also realized recently that although I have my health insurance in my married name, I still need to change my name on my health savings account. There's probably still something I've forgotten.

Learning to sign your new name is another story. I had tremendous difficulty applying for my library card, scribbling things out and rewriting them, probably confusing the librarian...

And, after all that work, my own husband has me listed in his phone under my maiden name because that's still who he thinks of me as.

Marriage Musings

I (Nathan) have intended to post on the blog for quite a while but either could not decide on a topic or simply never get around to it. However, I chose to start by writing my thoughts about a blog post Amanda came across a few days ago expressing how hard marriage is.

Granted we've all heard this and I do understand that marriage has its challenges but neither of us feel it has really been that difficult. We were surprised to see so many comments wholeheartedly agreeing with the post. I have never had second thoughts or doubts about my marriage, and in fact have had many reassurances simply through things Amanda has done or said that make me love her even more. We sincerely enjoy being together and spending time with each other and haven't had any real fights. I don't know that there's any magic formula or secret key that we can point to, but it seems to me that in today's society so many couples spend most of their time preparing for the wedding rather than preparing for the marriage.

Sometimes people just don't know each other well enough or long enough before committing. I think the focus shouldn't be so much on an arbitrary amount of time passing but instead on whether you've experienced a variety of life circumstances together. Almost anyone can be happy and pleasant when times are good, but how does your partner react when times are rough? For us there were many trials and stress including college, unemployment, moving, miserable job, extreme financial hardship, and death of grandparents. These situations ultimately strengthened our love and commitment to each other. You also need to ensure you are on the same page about various viewpoints and aspects of life as well as any expectations (assumed or real). It would be very difficult to be in a close relationship with someone who does not feel the same way about issues as you do. This of course requires communication and time.

Despite the stereotypes we are constantly bombarded with, everyone is different. Not too long before my wedding a close family friend mentioned "you don't need to learn about women, you only need to learn about Amanda." This advice has stuck with me and illustrates the point that you must learn what is (and is not) important to your spouse. One way to do so is to read (and discuss) books together. Regarding this specific topic, I recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman which explains how to express love in the particular way that is meaningful to your partner, and The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barbara Rosberg which explores several love needs and also provides a list of twenty needs to rank in importance to you.

Additionally, I believe there is some wrong by both partners (though not necessarily equal) in almost every relationship fight or problem (even including affairs). We are so quick to point fingers, but most of us neglect to look at ourselves first. Using the example of the fight about trash given in the post, the husband is wrong for not recognizing and fulfilling his wife's need and the wife is wrong for blowing it out of proportion and for how she addressed the issue. There are always two sides to every situation. A tip I read in a book once which I have never forgotten is "seek to understand before being understood." This is such a simple yet profound and challenging concept. When you get in a disagreement or fight, is your motive to truly understand your spouse and thus improve your relationship or is it really to push your own desires and defend your viewpoint? I have always held that the definition of true love is self-sacrifice. Are you going to make your spouse your top priority and put their needs above your own? Are you willing to put aside the TV or computer or whatever it may be in order to give your spouse your undivided attention and address their concern(s)? This is a hard goal as we all are by nature selfish, but one I continually strive for.

Just to be clear, my point in writing this post is not to brag but simply to provide a different perspective by sharing my observations and possibly help others who are currently in relationships.

To Move, or Not to Move?

When we went apartment hunting back in January of last year, we were originally looking for a place where Nathan could stay for 6 months. Then, when we were married, we would get a two bedroom apartment somewhere about halfway in between my work and Nathan's. However, every apartment we looked at charged so much extra for a 6 month lease, or even transferring to a two bedroom apartment halfway through the lease term, that we decided it would be best to just get a 12 month lease for a two bedroom apartment. I figured I could handle a 20 mile commute for 6 months until we could move somewhere in between. Well, those 6 months have passed, so we're now free to move...or not move.

Reasons to Move

• As I mentioned, I drive 20 miles both ways to work. It could be worse, but that's still 5 hours a week (or more) spent in the car.
• We don't have a washer and dryer in our unit, or even hookups. The apartment laundry facility is far enough away that I can't walk there while carrying two loads of laundry, so it's a hassle. And a lot of quarters.
• We have limited counter space and extremely limited cabinet space. I know this is typical of most apartments, but my last apartment had a pantry that could hold all the food I had and more. 
• Since we live on the second story, it's a little inconvenient to let Nenya out. The residents in the first story apartments here have a small fenced-in area and can just open the door for their dogs. (There were no first story apartments available when Nathan moved in.)
• Parking can be a bit limited at times. The apartment I had in college was much worse (I once parked in the only available spot in the entire complex, a visitor spot, and got ticketed), but sometimes it can be difficult to find a spot.

Reasons to stay put

• Moving isn't fun, especially in January. Just look at how Nathan's move went last year. Renting a U-Haul is a bit of an expense, but the time involved is the worst part. After living in 4 different places in the past 2 years, I'm not in a hurry to move again.
• Other than being 30 minutes away from work for me, we're in an excellent location. Nathan gets to work in about 10 minutes. We're also really close to multiple grocery stores, other shopping, a library, and a fantastic walking/biking trial.
• Our apartment complex pays the gas bill. We have a gas furnace, water heater, and stove, so that's huge, especially this time of year.
• We have plenty of square footage in a layout that works for us. All our furniture fits without it feeling the least bit crammed. We have a living area long enough to basically be divided into the living room, office, and dining room, and it doesn't even look that weird.
• Finally, the price. Our rent, including the pet fee, gas, water, and trash is around 15% of our take home pay, and all the slightly nicer places I've seen would cost a lot more. While we could afford to spend more, it's nice having the extra money to attack our debt with a vengeance.

Can you tell what we decided? What would you do?

Why I Clean the Bathtub

As I strive to keep our apartment clean, I have to remind myself at times why I do certain chores. Am I doing it because it's necessary for our well-being? Am I doing it to because I think it will make Nathan happy? In the case of some chores, I am really only doing them for my benefit. The main example of this is cleaning the bathtub. As I was scrubbing the tub tonight, I told Nathan,

"I never feel like this bathtub is truly clean. That's the bad thing about old apartments like this."

"That's funny," he said, "I never feel like it's truly dirty.

A simple fact I never fully realized until recently is that no one will be able to appreciate our clean bathtub except for me. You see, while I have perfect vision, Nathan can't see much of anything without his glasses. I might worry about a single hair or spot of soap on the floor of the tub, but Nathan wouldn't even know there was a floor if he weren't standing on it. While it's possible that we will have a guest who can see in the shower, all of the guests that have used our shower so far wear glasses.

There are plenty of things I do solely for Nathan's benefit, like attempting to neatly fold his underwear just how he likes it, but the cleanliness of the bathtub doesn't really matter that much to him. I clean it because it matters to me. I like to shower in a clean bathtub, and I want our guests to be able to shower in a clean bathtub, whether or not they can actually tell the difference.